SaraWe have a right to ask for what we need in a relationship. But that doesn’t mean that we are entitled to everything we ask for, which is why compromise and cooperation (acting as a team) is crucial.
The first rule is to avoid blaming our partner for our unmet needs. Example: “ You never show affection!” Blame rarely solves problems, and it immediately activates the self-defense mode.
Instead, let’s focus on “I” statements and behavior changes. If we want our partner to be more loving, we can describe how our ideal scenario would look like: “It would make me happy if we hugged while we are sitting on the couch and watching a movie,” or “Could you hold my hand when we are out? It will make me feel closer to you.”
It’s crucial to concentrate on one request (too many can be overwhelming), get agreement and enjoy seeing it in action first before asking for another change.
Then there is a “self-care alternative” if our partner doesn’t want to meet our needs. Not all needs have to be met by a partner, but the choice of whether it’s a deal breaker or not is up to us.
In the above example, you can get a pet to cuddle or hug your friends/family members more often (with their approval, lol), or you can be the one initiating holding hands or cuddling on the couch more often.
Many of us have yet to be taught how to communicate effectively, so it takes a lot of practice and patience. With time our relationships will start flourishing.
