SaraAre we meant to get married and commit to monogamy forever? This is what many people consider the natural process of life. However, with the technological revolution and temptation being everywhere, monogamy is put at risk. Hence the question of whether monogamy is still a realistic concept in our society?
Opponents argue with the evolutionary theory, stating that many animals are polygamous. It seems oversimplified to go down the route of using our evolutionary makeup to justify our actions. We differ from animals in many ways, most importantly in our ability to think and feel the consequences of our doings. It might be proven wrong but as far as I know, animals cannot deliberate their actions or thoughts -> they just follow their urges. That is our strength. We can reflect on why we feel the way we do and what the consequences would be if we choose to do something. Of course, couples might feel attracted to others but they always have the choice to focus their sexual energy on each other, which not only can strengthen their emotional bond but their sexual connection as well.
Nevertheless, polyamory is often misunderstood. Many correlate polyamory with insignificant sexual encounters. Sleeping around with as many people as possible, but still having one person to come “home” to. To me it seems that polyamory is more about sharing intimacy which does not always include sexual practices, but often an emotional exchange. It’s about being free to explore all connections that come along and express love towards more than one person.
The major issue in polyamory is jealousy and discord. While one partner might be sexually very satisfied, the other one might suffer emotionally. A polygamous couple, not familiar with monogamous habits, might always feel the urge to add another attractive partner to their harem and therefore struggle with the lack of contentment.
The fact of the matter is that being faithful is a choice. There is a statement of a happily married man that highlights it perfectly:
“I had a friend ask me once after I’d been married for years if I ever saw another woman and wondered what it would be like to be with her. And I asked him, What would be the point? Do I see other beautiful women around me? Yes. If I was a different person could I have been with them? Who knows?
But my point to him was that it didn’t matter. If I left my wife for another random woman, I wouldn’t be leaving a woman for another woman. I would be leaving deepness for something shallow and unsatisfying. What is sex compared to a relationship? It’s nothing. It’s a part of the whole.
So I told him going to another woman would be terrible because I wouldn’t have the real thing I crave. Which is the depth in a relationship, the time and dreams we share together. I would never trade that for the shallowness of a new beginning relationship”
Many people seek a deep connection with someone and this kind of connection is rarely achieved with short sexual encounters. It takes commitment and integrity. There might be a lot of individuals who can’t stay monogamous but there are enough individuals out there, who believe in a lifetime partnership and are willing to stay faithful, no matter what.
In my opinion, living a non-monogamous lifestyle might show that the person doesn’t want to be held accountable for their internal struggles. Sometimes, there is an emptiness that shows up as uncontrollable lust and the need for constant approval of others, which turns into a vicious circle. Yet, if two conscious people decide to be part of a polyamorous relationship because it feels right to them and their reasoning is rational, it might work. I know a polyamorous couple that has been happy for many years now. Their love for each other is undeniable. They have a lot of empathy and respect for each other. It’s beautiful to see how freely they share their love and how non-attached they are. They mastered the art of communication and are both very self-aware, which makes them compatible for this form of relationship.
Yet, living happily ever after is an ideal we’ve lived for so many years – perhaps an ideal which is the best environment in which to raise children. While a polygamous environment tends to sow distrust and jealousy amongst partners, it works for some people and can be very fulfilling.
All in all, I don’t think that monogamy is outdated. It is still one of the most practiced relationship forms for a reason. Right?
